Breaking up with bad habits is hard to do, but so good for you

So just a quick reminder before we start. WHY are we looking at habits this week?

2 BIG reasons:

1. Because the small stuff matters. Yes big dreams and lofty goals are important but at this moment in time lets see how we can change our days for the better in small ways

2. Science shows that if you master ONE habit well, this will then train your brain to apply it more easily to other areas of your life. And who wouldn’t want that?

There is SO MUCH science and understanding around habits and why we do what we do but let me distill it to the key points:

1. Your brain creates and holds onto habits as a survival mechanism because that way it conserves energy - you literally don’t think about it or lose energy trying to make a decision

2. Habits never really disappear. Heard the saying “an alcoholic is always an alcoholic”?

3. However you can re-programme a bad habit 

4. The only way to get rid of a bad habit is to replace it with a new one

5. Habits are not all bad. In fact you can use them to your advantage.

Here is where good habits have helped me. I completed an Ironman. I didn’t finish it because I am the strongest, fittest even the most mentally tough of my friends. I became an Ironman because I created and successfully implemented a simple set of good habits that I executed damn well. For example:

• My alarm would ring at 5.20 every morning. I would be out the door in 10 minutes in the kit that was already laid out, carrying the work bag and clothes that were already packed

• I’d complete a pre-defined training session with no thought / decision required at that ungodly hour with a group of other nutters

• I’d drive down to the ferry, grab my muffin and coffee to enjoy on the journey to work

There was ZERO change in the formula. I did that 6 mornings a week on autopilot - so much so that one morning I nearly crashed into my driveway gate as I was practically still sleeping as I set off to training (who can blame me?!)

Here is an example of where habits have not helped me. As a Director of Operations for a 364 day a year contact centre I always felt responsible for knowing what was going on but my time in the office was restricted to 9.15am - 4.45pm around kid drop offs and pick ups. As a result I would:

• Get up at 5.30 every morning (10 minutes extra from IM - whoop whoop!)

• Switch on my phone and check my emails………..a whopping 8 hours since I last checked them before going to bed

• I’d do a couple of hours work and leave it to the last possible moment to wake my daughter so that I could finish

• We would then leave the house in a stressed, shouty fashion and despite being up since 5.30 I would arrive at work still needing a coffee and muffin as I never got breakfast.

Both mornings were on autopilot. One was harder work than the other. And it wasn’t the one that involved 1.5 hours of physical exercise while most people still slept!!

I cannot blame family and work for that though. The creator of that routine was ME.

Now changing habits is not a quick win - but you wanna know something? Nothing good in life is.

SO I just want to take you quickly and as simply as possible through something called the “Habit Loop” which was most successfully summarised by Charles Duhigg in his book “The Power of Habit”.

Here is in essence how it works:

Your brain forms habit loops - just like coding in computer software. That loop comprises:

1. A cue or trigger which when prompted tells your brain to go into automatic mode 

2. A routine that your brain then leads you to follow - this can be physical, mental or emotional

3. A reward - something which tells the brain if it's good to keep following this pattern and make it automatic

So back in my Ironman days I knew that when the alarm went off I would execute my morning routine to get to training and at the end I would feel rewarded with my muffin. (Actually I was rewarded by the sense of achievement of “another session in the bank” but food is also a good incentive in my world!)

In order to change a bad habit you have to hack into this habit loop with the following structured process.  To explain this I will use an example that I personally am going to work on.

1.Identify the routine - what is the behaviour you want to change? 

My routine I want to break is eating something sweet after I put my daughter to bed.

The question is - why do I do it? What feeling of reward does it give me?

Onto step 2……..

2. Experiment with the reward

We know that we want/ crave a reward which makes us do what we do. However often we don’t really know why. 

So in this case of my evening chocolate am I:

• genuinely hungry?

• wanting something to settle my mind at the end of a long day?

• wanting some sugar to perk me up and stop me falling in bed at 7.30?

• wanting a distraction from being alone Bridget Jones style on the sofa again?!

Like a science experiment Duhigg recommends trying out different rewards to help us understand what is really really driving us.  So for example I am going to try out these things instead:

• Eat a 2nd serving of dinner (yum!)

• Do 15 minutes meditation

• Drink a coffee

• Call a friend

By experimenting with the reward you can identify what you are actually craving.

3. Isolate the cue

Most habits fall into 1 of 5 things: location; time; emotional state; other people; the immediately preceding action.

So when you feel the need to eat that chocolate in the evening answer these questions:

• Where were you?

• What time is it?

• How were you feeling?

• Who are you around?

• What action happened just before you had that craving?

From this it should become clearer what is triggering that behaviour. Is it always 8pm? Or is it when I am feeling stressed? Is it only when I have put my daughter to bed or do I do it when she is at her dad’s??

4. Make a plan

What will you do now to replace your automatic response to eat chocolate?

For example, will I determine to meditate at 8pm every evening?

Set an alarm to remind yourself to do it if it helps.

Track your progress

Now be realistic. It won’t work straight away. Some days I am sure I will reach for the chocolate!

But with concerted effort at the new routine I am confident over time it will change that habit. Which leads us to the final point:

5. Believe it

To change you need to believe that it is actually possible.

As Duhigg says “belief is easier when it occurs in a community”. That's why WeightWatchers and Alcoholics Anonymous have their regular meetings. So you are around others who believe in you and help you believe in yourself - use them!

You can use the power of this community too - tell us what you are working on and we will help keep you believing!

So there we have it - how to break a bad habit and how to create a new one in 5 clear steps.

Now it would be great if you can now apply this theory to your ONE THING that you have chosen to work on. U

se this worksheet to help you.

And good luck, I and the rest of the community will be here to help and interested to hear how you are progressing.

Believe me the sense of control and achievement you will get from this will make it worth your while.

Stay sane!