5 fundamentals for working mums to keep a sane and healthy mind
Even in “normal” times being a working mum brings huge pressures and stress. We are a long way from being over the tough times of 2020 and personally I don’t think we should underestimate the mental health impacts of recent events any more than we didn't underestimate the physical. There is, thankfully, way more information and education about mental and emotional health these days but again there is SO much.
So these are the 5 fundamentals I recommend concentrating on to keep your mind healthy and sane.
Now I know you may have some these sorted but it is always good to check back in with yourself on how well you are doing them.
1. Build a consistent sleep routine
You think I need more sleep? No shit Sherlock!
Never enough, often disturbed (if it's not a kid waking you then it's the other half’s snoring) and sometimes elusive to the point you feel you are becoming insomniac - sleep is what dreams are made of.
You cannot control the variables i.e the kids but you can get some constants in place:
Go to bed at the same time every night…...regardless if you want to “just watch that next Line of Duty episode” - don’t! Personally I get emails from mums after 10.30pm and wonder “WTF? Go to bed!” 8 hours every night may not be realistic with young kids but set yourself up to get it sometimes by going to bed earlier!! Science proves that going to be at the same time every night will help you sleep better, so set an alarm for going to bed the same as getting up and stick to it.
Use natural sleep aids if you struggle to wind down - have a bath with relaxing essential oil, drink chamomile tea half an hour before bed, take tart cherry supplements/ juice (a natural source of melatonin which is essential for good sleep patterns) or spray pillows with lavender are some good ideas. Please remember to consult your GP however if you are on medication or have pre-existing health conditions.
Turn off your devices well before bedtime. We all know that the bright light from your screen inhibits the production of melatonin, the “sleep hormone” so turn the brightness down, put the device down half an hour before bedtime and if you can’t bring yourself to leave it out of the bedroom (I do) then at least put it on DND! Talking of which……….
But its more likely as a mum that you are exhausted enough to drop in bed comatose at the end of the day! But does stress wake you up?
Put a note pad next to the bed if you a prone to waking up in the middle of the night - write down the stuff that wakes you up, dump it
Use a meditation app with sleep routines such as Headspace or Calm if they help “switch your brain off” if you must (subject to my point below)
Have the chamomile tea out and ready to make a quick cuppa of you do wake and find out if there is anything else that diverts your brain? Reading for me sends me back off as my mind is distracted from work
There are way more tricks for getting back to sleep that we cover more thoroughly in my “Get wellbeing” course
2. Check your digital habits
Back to my Mastermind topic - people being online! Believe me as Director of Operations for an internet safety organisation I saw how people could be driven to the brink of insanity by social media.
We all do it - sat on the sofa looking at the phone while the kids watch a movie, hear the phone ping while we are at the dinner table and struggle to not look at it, check our phones on waking before we are even dressed. We know it's not good for us but why is it hard to break the habit? For the same reasons sugar is hard to ditch - the manufacturers/ social media companies have deliberately designed their products to make us consume more!
Here is what I personally recommend:
Turn off notifications to social media on your phone and laptop e.g Messenger/ WhatsApp. They do not need your attention urgently so don’t give them it..
Have digital free times - my aim is not to be checking my phone from picking up my daughter til when she is in bed. Honestly it does not always happen but my absolute is never when making dinner and at the dinner table
Remember your kids are watching you…….even if they are young you cannot expect them not to grow up attached to their phones if you are!! Try not to be flicking through social media while you are all sat on the sofa, or worse - in the car!
Ditch the phone before bedtime (as above enough said!)
Do not check your phone on waking. Leave it, nothing is that urgent and worth the cortisol peak before your day even starts. And on that topic…..
3. Find your personal “off” button
Whether it is yoga, meditation, journaling or reading a book we all need something we rely on to switch us off.
It does not need to take long, it does not have to be meditation just because that's what Oprah and every Hollywood star say they do - as long as it is something you can do quickly, regularly and that you ENJOY (there is that word again!).
I personally journal my 3 favourite things each day and have bouts of meditation when I am more stressed, not all the time. Headspace is my go to app as I am totally rubbish at doing it myself and their short guided exercises are more realistic than an hour long cross legged mentally compiling my shopping list!
Whatever it is - make sure you know what it is and you can “switch” to it easily.
4. Choose your mood consciously
Sounds silly but we get to consciously choose our mood all day every day if we just make the effort. It is very, very easy to be in “busy” or “stressed” or “I’ve had enough of the bloody lot of you” mood if we don’t pay close attention.
I have those “sunny side up” friends who just always seem to be so bloody happy every day no matter what!! But what you want your day to be us up to you to create so try this quick exercise:
Pick a word that describes the mood you want that week: confident, smart, calm
Now plan 3 instant ways you can keep yourself in that mood when all conspires against it e.g. for calm - maybe take 10 deep breaths, excuse yourself and walk away for 5 minutes in heated moments (self imposed time outs are brilliant!, find a 5 minute calming exercise on your app to listen to while eating lunch
Everyday remind yourself of your intention and your plan in the morning
Every evening take 5 minutes out to review and rate yourself
Don’t beat yourself up if your inner calm was about as successful as Mr Angry’s one day !! Reflect, learn from it and tomorrow is another day.
Make this a daily habit and it will soon become easier.
P. S. We go into mindset setting in way more detail in my Find Wellbeing course - this is the quick and easy.
P.P.S. Preferably don’t choose your “inner bitch mood” for the week:)
5. Start the day with a winning routine
“Either you run the day or the day runs you” - ever heard that one?
Many successful people from Oprah Winfrey to Tony Robbins to Richard Branson extol the benefits of a clear morning routine. With kids it is very easy for the day to get off to a manic start and before you know it you are at your desk with your “don’t you dare talk to me til I have had more coffee” face on.
Getting up early before the kids and using that time for yourself is, I believe, the best way to set yourself up well to stay sane for the rest of the day. So much so I have put together this free resource to help you design your perfect morning routine:
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Good luck and stay sane!
Helen xx
Remember if you are struggling and experiencing emotional difficulties then please consult your GP and there are organisations that you can reach out to. Here are some I can recommend and I have referred people to in the past:
New Zealand
24/7 Helpline |0800 LIFELINE (0800 54 33 54) or free text HELP (4357)
Suicide Crisis Helpline | 0508 TAUTOKO (0508 82 88 65)
Australia
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/ or 1300 22 4636
UK
https://www.samaritans.org/ or call 116 123
