5 non negotiables for working mums to ensure their own wellbeing
Everywhere you look there is a new diet , exercise regime or mental health regime that gets added to the list of expectations coming at us through social media.
Yes, you too can be super skinny, happy and radiant if you eat no carbs, have a daily HIT regime with a PT before breakfast, have the Dalia Lama on speed dial for morning meditation and have the nanny get the kids up, the cook make their breakfast and the driver drop them at school.
Yes Gwynneth, Jennifer, Posh Spice et al it looks really frickin’ easy there in California. Please do not try and tell me about the trials and tribulations of staying in tip tip shape as a working mum!
So here we have my 5 top tips for you to make sure you stay well and sane in fact I call them the non negotiables.
You quite possibly are doing some of these but if you can master all 5 i.e. truly push yourself to excel at them like you do your work then you will be a wellbeing ninja!.
Surprise - the top 2 are not even health or fitness related but fundamental to your wellbeing………
1. Build your mum support network like you would build your professional network
I have not been great at this I admit but am consciously onto it. Many of us have ended up in the double whammy of working full time but not living close to grandparents who can help. Those people who “moved home” when they had kids look really smart now, but hey home was not rainy, northern England …..there is always a tradeoff in life!
Your may well have grandparents around (lucky you!) but how many times have I heard “Mum said she will take Johnny to swim lessons but she always seems to be too busy with lunch dates!”
It is SO hard though. How do you build your mum network when your kids go to after school care and you don’t meet mums at the school gate? But the power and relief of having someone other than your partner who you can call on when that meeting runs over and you are late for pick up is priceless.
The silver lining of recent upheaval is that as kids trickle back to school many more parents have been doing school pick up, some of us are working from home more. If you do one thing this year - please use this time to work on building your supportive mum network. Take an hour out for coffee, have the playdate. It will be well worth the investment
2. Outsource the cr@p like you would at work
“But Helen how does this make me the Zenful, glowing Mum I aspire to be?”
“Well it all comes down to time! “
Before you can steam clean your nether regions a la Gwyneth or get the body of a pole dancer a la J-Lo you need time to do those things. You have reached a position at work where you have delegated or outsourced the stuff that adds no value. So do it at home! Get the cleaner, get the foodkits, find the after school that drops kids to swim lessons.
Now I am sure you do some of these but check out my list here for inspiration and see what else you can ruthlessly outsource. Seriously - do you want to spend Saturday morning in the supermarket? Do you actually want to spend it at swim lessons???
https://www.helenotoolecoaching.com/blog/outsource-to-win-at-work-and-at-home
3. Have a personal goal or a hobby that is MANAGEABLE
I truly believe as I have said before that nature loves a vacuum and if you create space more work or chores will often fill it. If you do not find something that you really want to spend time on for you, you will never find the time for you.
My mates have always set big, ambitious goals (inside and out of work) and all have, to some degree, grappled with how to achieve these while still being a great mum. So of course as I sat with a friend scoping out her goals for getting health and fitness back on track I wasn’t surprised that this hard working mum with a massive job wanted to do a half ironman again.
If you want to, by all means do that Ironman or crochet blankets for every kid in a Romanian orphanage. But if you are juggling big jobs and kids, cut yourself a break and find something that is a challenge but not an impossibility!
If you can make it social, all the better. I know friends who have joined choirs, knitting groups or Crossfit posses (or cults as some call them!)
Here is my example. I have signed up to do an all womens’ adventure race with 3 other mums. It achieves 2 goals - it scares me enough to make me train (!) and I am doing it with other mums who get that some days we are tired, we may need to vent and if we laugh too hard en route we may pee ourselves:)
4. Find a healthy eating regime that suits your LIFESTYLE and BUDGET and STICK WITH IT
Statistically its estimated 50% of women are on a diet at any point in time. As a qualified personal trainer I don’t agree with fad diets. My ex partner made a big deal of keto as he approached 50 - putting way more ideas of dieting into our daughter’s head than I do (ironic it's the men giving the kids the body image issues now!!). After 10 kgs off in 3 months it was all back on within 6 months!
Let's face it some of them are just too hard and too time consuming. Dr Libby - I love your work but honestly I just don’t have time for the stuff in your cookbooks. Short and simple wins the race when you are full time working.
There are smart ways to eat well but quickly and there is inspiration in “Getting the body back on track” page. I will not prescribe any one but will challenge you to find one that saves you as much time as calories rather than one the adds to your to-do list.
Whether it's a foodbox or ready meals delivered to work, there are plenty of hacks out there to make healthy eating easier - use them and leave Nigella in the kitchen all day because that where she is paid to be……….
5. Consciously make moments of happiness a daily priority
Again if we believe the media we cannot possibly succeed if we don’t do yoga and meditation every morning and write our gratitude journals every evening. Don’t get me wrong, I do incorporate some of those things myself but its not for everyone and it may not be how you want to spend your time. There are some ideas again in the “Get your mind back on track” section but fundamentally you should do ONE THING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY every day. Simple
It does not need to be big but do make it conscious. It can be listening to a podcast from your fav influencer, reading a book for half an hour before bed (remember them?!), reading books with the kids at bedtime or a 15 min phone call with a friend, It doesn’t have to be hard or strenuous. Just something that truly makes you happy.
So just take 10 - 15 minutes out and write your happy list now. Then in your daily calendar make sure you schedule your one thing, put it on your “to do” list, wherever. Just make sure it gets added into all the other running around you do.
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Good luck and stay sane!
Helen xx
