Why “should” is really the enemy of good
“Perfect is the enemy of good” according to Voltaire.
Believe me perfectionism is a common topic with my coaching clients but probably more often it's the word “should” that I pull them up on.
“Should” - code for “I don’t really want to but I am doing what others want/ need/ expect/ think I should do”. Sound familiar? And I bet you have a never ending “to do” list as well? Mmmm.
So here is my question: how many things on that list are a “should”?
Next question - so why are you doing them?
Now heaven help me I am the last person that will be giving advice to be totally selfish and only do what you want. I have spent 50 years putting others first and contributing to things other than myself is a core part of my identity - ask anyone who knows me well. However as a single mum who takes “mumming” as an important job I have finally realised my energy is finite (took some time!). So as someone who is always looking to support others and live life to the full the “to do” list was always insurmountable. So you know what I do now? I eliminate the “shoulds”. I look at all the things on the list and I question:
“Am i doing this out of a sense of obligation?”
“Why am I doing this?”
“Is this really contributing something to me or the other person”? And by that let me be clear - you are not contributing something to someone who is not capable of receiving it. Now that may sound harsh but we all have that friend/ relation/ colleague who is a bottomless pit of neediness. They often fill the “should” list. It’s time - take them off your list!
So here's my challenge to you: take a look at your to do list, your calendar, the mental list in your head - what fails the “should” test? Take it off!
And while you are at it - take feeling guilty about that off your list too :)
Good luck, stay sane and as ever if you know anyone that this would be useful for then please do share it with them using the links below :)
Take care,
Helen x
